ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
