I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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