I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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