so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
