when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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