If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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