I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
