i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
