i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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