I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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