I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
