do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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