Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
