I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
