there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
