a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
