If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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