i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
