Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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