why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
