Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
