Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
