i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
