Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she woke up with a sticky ear
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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