oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
