I'm sorry my penis didn't work
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
