That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
