Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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