just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
