2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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