I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
