Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
