What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
