I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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