one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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