I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
