i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
