Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize