Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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