the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
