I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
