I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
