This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
