And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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