The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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