My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
