I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
