Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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