Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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