Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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