No stitches, just platelets and will power
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
