Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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