don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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