eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
