my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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