tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
