I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
