And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
