my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
