The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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