I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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