So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
