I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
