i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
