This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
