she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
