Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
